A Week in Wrestling

Total Divas premier, #askdixie Twitter storm, Paige wins the NXT Women’s Championship, Sandow can’t swim, and last night’s taped episode of Raw

Total Divas premiered on Sunday and…

funny total divas premier

Actual thing Cena said.

I went into Total Divas the same way I expect most other wrestling fans did – curious but with low expectations. To best describe it would be to say if the WWE ever locked up with, say, The Kardashians and awful shows of that sort, then in the words of Vince Mcmahon, “spontaneous combustion!” Total Divas is born. We do get a little glimpse of the real lives’ of the women in WWE, but for the most part it’s a scripted drama. A badly scripted drama.

It may not be aimed at wrestling fans, but being a wrestling fan, I don’t even want the WWE to crossover with the ‘Kardashian-watching demographic.’ Apparently it did quite well ratings wise, which doesn’t surprise me. However, if more people watch this show than Smackdown or Impact Wrestling – which tend to have lower ratings than Raw – then I will have lost faith in humanity. Although it won’t be the first time that I have.

miz girl angry

I think it’s safe to say this girl wasn’t watching Total Divas

I don’t want to talk about the show too much more because, well, I want to get onto some real wrestling! But there was an upside to the show: a glimmer of Daniel Bryan walking his dog. Something I could watch on a weekly basis, actually, and something that should be a web-series. Apart from Daniel Bryan and his dog, though, we got Nikki Bella and John Cena re-enacting a scene from The Playbook, newbie Eva Marie getting her hair dyed red (whilst other newbie JoJo watched like an obedient dog), The Funkadactyls waiting for their costumes to be sewn minutes before their Wrestlemania match, and one of their boyfriend’s wanting to beat up Brodus Clay. Television, folks.

To the other end of the spectrum of women’s wrestling, Paige knocked off Emma in the final of the NXT Women’s Championship tournament to become the first ever NXT Women’s champion. Hooray! And what a great match it was from two future main-roster stars. I don’t really have a whole lot else to say, other than Paige vs AJ will happen one day. Potentially even a Wrestlemania match. In regards to Emma’s future, if her dancing gimmick gets over on Raw or Smackdown as much as it does on NXT, then we could have a new ‘YES! chant’ on our hands. (On our arms.) Sorry.

Paige and AJ Lee

Nope. Don’t get better than this.

Onto Smackdown, which was predominately focused on Cody Rhodes stealing Sandow’s briefcase and throwing it into the sea. Wrestling fans will know that this has been done before before but it really was a nice change of pace to the normal Smackdown ending of, well, ending on a match (usually a Del Rio match). Not only did we get a masterclass performance from Sandow, but we also got Sin Cara rummaging through a dustbin (ironically, his best performance yet). And much to my amazement/disappointment, the google search of ‘Sin Cara rummaging through a dustbin’ came up empty. But picture evidence or not, it happened on Smackdown, I swear! What was he looking for, though? Spare change? Food? A one-way ticket back to Mexico? Rey Mysterio? We’ll probably never know, but I just hope the poor sod found what he was looking for.

Sandow can't swim

Would one of you ignoramuses help this man

Onto last night’s taped episode of Raw, which had a very ‘house show vibe’ to it. A lot of matches, but not a whole lot of progression in terms of building current story-lines and/or creating new ones for Summerslam. But you know what? It was still better than last week’s show, and we got more than a few better-than-average matches. And we got the tables match between Ryback and Cena that has, reportedly, been the dark match of Raw for the past few months or so now. So he can lighten up now he’s no longer going to be put through tables anymore. I’m trying to think of something funny to say but I’ve got nothing, guys. Sorry.

Strangely enough, there was no Orton again on Raw this week, however he was on Smackdown again. Potentially keeping him off Raw to keep him away from the Bryan/Cena angle? There was no Sheamus this week either. Are you satisfied now, hardcore wrestling fans? Maybe one week, just one week, we’ll get a show with no Sheamus, Cena or Del Rio – aka Vince Mcmahon’s favourites, but wrestling fans’ arch enemies. Perhaps this is why their new pay-per-view is called Battleground, no? Book it. And speaking of battlegrounds, last night’s tables match was somewhat of a battleground, wasn’t it? Tables were planted everywhere like mines. I liked it.


Before I get off the topic of the fairly quiet Raw, I want to know how in God’s name live tweets were being reported on by Cole and Lawyer if it was a pre-taped show? My only solution is that people in the crowd were tweeting during the show? It’s going onto my list of mysteries alongside the ‘what was Sin Cara looking for’ mystery. Last thought on Raw: Vince Mcmahon’s promo with Daniel Bryan was a little weird, wasn’t it? He doesn’t want neither Bryan or Cena to win? Both Maddox and now Vince have been squeezed into the story for the sake of there being a villain, which I understand but don’t necessarily like. I just hope there’s no outside interference during the big match. But let’s change directions and head to TNA and the whole #askdixie debacle, shall we?

If you read some of the tweets people were sending using the ‘askdixie’ hashtag last week, then you’ll know Ill timing may be describing the Q&A session somewhat lightly. #askdixie was the number one trend in the UK and was also trending worldwide. As one fan simply put it, the good news for TNA: #askdixie is trending. The bad news for TNA: #askdixie is trending. In fact, I think she took such a roasting that she couldn’t do much answering. I mean, just when is Bilbo Baggins going to join the Impact roster? Tell us, Dixie!

There was a lot of heat and bad vibes sent her way, including hate towards Hogan, Brooke and Bischoff, too. In the end it got so blown out of proportion that Dixie sent out a message regarding the recent departures of talent, the state of the company, and future endeavours. The only way I can ever see a wrestling related hashtag being topped would be if there was ever an #asktotaldivas hashtag. Which I would participate in.


Thursday’s Impact itself saw a new X-Division champ in Manic (formerly known as Suicide, and formerly took his mask off for one week then to put it back on). We got three good matches in Mickie James vs Gail Kim, Samoa Joe vs Christoper Daniels, and the standout match between Jeff Hardy and AJ Styles. The crowd then chanted ‘you tapped out’ straight after Hardy tapped out. Way to go, wrestling fans. I don’t understand this whole BFG series scoring system, as points seem to randomly be given out. I don’t know if the TNA creative knows how the scoring system works either, though if I was in charge, I’d just rip off WWE’s King of the Ring format. Just saying. We also got Bully Ray and his Kevin Nash-lookalike lawyer threatening to sue TNA for his loss of the World Title, which, of course, makes no sense, but when Bully Ray’s involved, I’m invested.

And before I go, TNA are teasing an appearance from a mystery man on this week’s Impact, with the latest video stating that it’s not Dave Bautista. Huh? I don’t think anyone really expected it to be Batista, but hey, what the hell! Who could it be? Wild internet speculation so far suggests that it could either be A) Adam Pierce; B) Hardcore Holly; C) John Morrison; or D) somebody else. I’m going with D).

But until next time, folks, take care.

we the people


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