A Week in Wrestling

Randy Orton gets low-blowed by fan in South Africa, Lesnar attacks Punk (again!), Daniel Bryan’s corporate makeover, Tito Ortiz revealed as the #August1 reveal, and Styles vs Aries!


Welly well well. That low blow came out of nowhere. A bit like an RKO out of nowhere. After the back and fourths of it being a legitimate attack, to it illegibly being a “work”, the fan who attacked Orton – Tshepo Sekhabi ‘The Wrestling Machine’ – is in jail. The reason for the attack: He doesn’t like Orton and he wanted to get the WWE’s attention. Attention granted, then. But not just from WWE, from the internet, it seems. My freakin’ mum asked me if I heard about ‘the wrestler’ being attacked. It was the first wrestling conversation we ever had together, and probably the last too. Yep, not only did WWE report the attack – as well as posting the fan’s video of the attack – mainstream news outlets were reporting on it too. Never a dull moment in wrestling, aye? Well, ok.. but you get my point.

Just a quick note on episode 2 of Total Divas because I need to get it out of my system. It wasn’t as terrible as the pilot but it was still cringeworthy – almost Big Bang Theory-like cringeworthy. I did go against my word of saying I wouldn’t watch this show again, however I wanted another reason to hate the world more and complain, so there, I watched it. On the upside though, we did get to see Daniel Bryan’s cabin in the woods and John Cena’s mansion. Bryan’s cabin > Cena’s mansion. Bryan’s Bella twin > Cena’s Bella twin. Bryan’s beard > Cena’s weird elbow. I know the lines are so blurred between actual reality and acting on reality shows, but did Cena really say ‘is Bryan’s cabin big enough to raise kids?’ Newsflash, John: you don’t need a mansion to raise kids.


Raw was from Green Bay Wiscosin this week… Mr. Kenneddddyyyyy! So they decided to throw Randy into the WWE title mix after keeping him away for a little while. Whatever the outcome at Summerslam, we’ll now likely get a triple threat between all three guys at some point, which most definitely isn’t a bad thing. And even though the chances of Randy cashing in the briefcase last night were very, very slim, I still go that ‘he’s gonna cash in’ feeling inside for a brief moment, that only a wrestling fan could truly understand. When the fans see an opportunity for a cash-in, it just creates this buzz around the arena, which reflects to us watching at home too. The cashing in of a briefcase may be my favourite thing in wrestling. Only downside is, it then brought me back to Ziggler cashing in at the Raw after Wrestlemania, which made me both elated and sad.

I don’t know if it was just me, but when Orton interrupted Cena, then The Shield coming down, then Bryan too, did anybody else want to see The Wyatts come down as well? Hell, if this was the post Wrestlemania-Raw, it probably could’ve/might’ve happened. While we’re on the Wyatts, they officially said goodbye to NXT last week, to which Bray had to tell the ruckus and very appreciative crowd to settle down before cutting an awesome farewell promo. The Wyatts may have left, but The Shield returned to NXT this week as well, to a huge reception. If you’re a wrestling fan and you aren’t watching NXT, then as much as I hate to use this cliche phrase, you’re doing it wrong. Bray Wyatt vs Kane is now official for Summerslam, which I, for one, am very looking forward to. I think everyone would’ve loved to see the rumoured Brothers of Desturction vs The Wyatts at Summerslam, but hopefully it’ll happen one day. And if there’s one entrance that can match Taker’s, it’s The Wyatt family’s. Bray vs Taker WM30?

http://youtu.be/nX86k_UDOyI – This is amazing.

What about Bryan’s promo at the top of the show then? Being how Cena and Bryan are top good guys, It was always going to be hard to build some sort of storyline/bitter rivalry between the two, but Bryan basically saying he’s a wrestler, loves wrestling and always will, to then say Cena’s an entertainer, not a wrestler, was incredible! To which Cena later responded to saying something about the flavour of his cereal. I don’t mean to hate on Cena, but considering Brad Maddox was nonexistent on raw last night, I need someone to hate-write about. Plus, when Cena goes and says stuff like that and shows off his freakish elbow, he’s asking for it. Anyway, it was Wade ‘barber’ Barret who took a head-butt and a shaving from Bryan, (never thought I’d type that) after a failed corporate makeover.

Stephanie yes chants


Punk and Curtis Axel were having a pretty awesome bout towards the end of the show, which, unfortunately, got cut short, but cut short for a good reason – Bbbbrrrooock Lesnar! Love or hate the guy, he always has intense brawls; intense brawls that usually result in blood. Please correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that was the first time we’ve seen him on the mic since coming back last year? I don’t fully understand what the “Paul, say something stupid” was all about, but it would’ve made much more sense if it had’ve been Heyman saying ‘Brock, say something stupid’. Alas, I still laughed anyway. The scrap resulted in Punk having to have stitches again, and it also set up a match between Punk and Heyman for next week. Although it will most likely end in a no contest due to outside interference, I still want to see the match, as well as Heyman’s ring attire.

http://youtu.be/13FV1GaA20I – I’m assuming this grammar video was mostly made for Brock Lesnar.

To round off Raw we had a great match with RVD and Del Rio, with Ricardo Rodriguez returning and then being taken out by Del Rio. Kofi Kingston returned wearing trousers to knock off Fandango, The Real Americans – after being jobbers ever since they formed – won against The Usos, which now squashes the little push they had, and Big E def. Dolph Ziggler. It pains me to say this, but The Big E/Ziggler rivalry has gone nowhere. If the WWE could, they’d put Ziggler in a one-on-one against AJ. It looks like there could now be a mixed tag-team match at Summerslam, featuring Dolph & Kaitlyn vs AJ & Big E. In all honesty, if the match does get made, I wouldn’t even mind if it was the pre-show match. The sooner Ziggler gets back in the title picture, the better. If you haven’t watched this promo Ryback cut in Australia, then I urge you to do so. He talks about Goldberg and taking one, too!

On a pretty sweet Smackdown, we had Fandango vs Punk, and a three-way no. 1 contenders match for the world title with RVD, Christian and Orton. Seriously PPV quality. Some, including myself, may be a little disappointed that RVD didn’t win, but you know what? RVD’s matches have been flawless since his return, and I can pretty much see him filling Jericho’s shoes. Although we haven’t seen any confrontation between Ryback and RVD, it could easily be a Summerlam match in the works. Congratulations to Captain Charisma for winning though, who has also been on a role of late. No Sheamus on either Raw or Smackdown again this week – either this is a blessing or the start of the rapture. Before I move away from WWE and sneak across the border to TNA, I just want to bring this WWE2K 14 Undertaker Phenom edition to your attention.

Undertaker 2K14

Pretty awesome, huh?

Tito Ortiz was revealed as the #August1 mystery man; not Goldberg, Batista or Jericho, who nobody expected it to be anyway. Not having any knowledge on MMA/UFC (or much of an interest), I would’ve had no idea who Tito Ortiz is/was had I have not read up on the spoilers before watching the show. My first impression of him: is that Kurt Angle’s evil brother? Seriously, they must’ve been separated at birth. I’m all for these guys with a fighting background coming to the world of wrestling, but on one condition: if they actually have an interest in wrestling and want to become a wrestler. Though i’ve been informed that Rampage Jackson and Ortiz are set to fight each other soon, so this could just be a promotional push for that fight – which sucks if that is the case. I’ll hold my reservations for now until things play-out though.

Is that you, Kurt?

Is that you, Kurt?

I didn’t want to put this in the headline (although it is headline worthy wrestling news) that Kurt Angle’s been arrested for the fourth time in six years on alcohol related charges. I know he’s been arrested now and again – like most wrestlers – but I didn’t know he had a problem that bad that he’s had to check himself into a rehabilitation facility. He doesn’t look like the kind of guy to be a heavy drinker (his evil brother Tito does however). Where this leaves him and the Main Event Mafia storyline is unknown at this point but hopefully he can sort himself out. In two weeks it’s the Main Event Mafia vs Aces & 8’s in a 5 v 5 match, with whomever gets pinned has to leave TNA. Is this Kurt’s out? Is this why he was entered into the TNA Hall of Fame this year? We’ll see.

Onto brighter news, there was some awesome matches on Impact this week. Gail Kim/ODB, World champion Chris Sabin v X-division champion Manic, and Austin Aries vs AJ Styles (for the first time). Yes, the finish was a little messy between AJ and Aries, but when superstars of that calibre are in a match that good, it should be forgiven. Not overlooked, but forgiven. Potential match of the year candidate, for me. Most interesting/exciting was Aries’ promo at the start of the show, where he said he’s going to carry Impact on his back for the next 10 years, just like AJ has the previous ten years. Now there’s a sign of confidence. If Aries is around, then Impact’s around. Get the t-shirts printed!

Sheiky baby

So until next time, folks, yours faithfully, yours sincerely and yours truly.




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