A Week in Wrestling

Cena slaps Bryan, Triple H named Special Guest Referee for the WWE Title match at Summerslam, Punk finally gets one up on Lesnar, Summerslam press conference, Hulk Hogan turns 60, and some more consistently good matches on TNA!

I’ll just start off by saying I watched, roughly, 30 seconds of Total Divas this week. It’s a 30 seconds I’m never getting back, but it’s a 30 seconds that taught be a valuable life lesson: To never watch that show ever again. Yep, I’m done. The first episode was watched out of curiosity, the second episode was half-heartedly watched out of wanting to write something about it, but the third time is indeed the charm, as it was, in this instance, the straw that broke the camel’s back. But now that’s out of my system, I can move onto better things… Wrestling!

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Over on WWE’s website they just live-streamed their Summerslam press conference, which was in a small sized room filled with lifeless, soulless, all the lesses you can think of, room full or journalists. I mean I know it’s a formal, business type situation, where all the wrestlers are wearing suits (I don’t know if Punk was actually come to think of it) and most people in attendance either had laptops on their laps or were holding cameras, but when Daniel Bryan starts doing YES! chants, you get up and start doing YES! chants!

Maybe it’s both the mix of unprofessionalism in me and the inner child in me, but had I have been there, I would’ve been marking out if I was sitting mere feet away from the likes of Bryan, Punk, Triple H and John Cena.  Of course Punk, ever the scholar, pointed out the lack of reaction from anybody in attendance, to which no one reacted. I can understand why WWE would be hesitant to let fans in after the recent Randy Orton attack in their overseas tour, but I’d be shocked if any of the journalists in attendance would actually consider themselves ‘hardcore’ WWE fans. Or wrestling fans at all. But anyway, life goes on.

Onto last night’s Raw, which featured the best Miz TV of all time, which is kind of ironic considering The Miz had the least to say and stood in the background for the most part. I don’t know how much of what Bryan and Cena were saying to each other was scripted last night, but both men made it feel very real and intense, to the point of John Cena almost shedding a tear! Yes, the man who said to his girlfriend on Total Divas that it’s hard to talk to her without staring at her boobs or ass.

It was the best promo I think I’ve ever seen Cena cut, and it’s one that will do/should go down in the history books. Before they really got into the nitty gritty, I was still finding Cena’s freakish elbow distracting, and now there’s reports that he could be taking time off to get it repaired, removed or rehabilitated. If the reports are believed to be true, which I believe they are, then more signs point to a Bryan victory. Yes! Yes! Yes! But now with Triple H, Vince, Maddox, Stephanie and Orton all in the mix, anything could go down!

Punk finally got the one up on Lesnar heading into Summerslam, and my biggest question/curiosity about the match is whether or not Punk can lift Lesnar up for the GTS? Not that it really matters in the brunt of things, but I just want to know. The Heyman/Punk match was never going to go down, but again out of curiosity, I’d like to know if Heyman can actually go (wrestle). My guess is that his finisher would be the low blow, though he would aptly name it the ‘late pay-cheque’. Also worth noting is that Lesnar cut a decent promo, albeit a pre-taped one, that first aired on Smackdown, and I only wish we heard more of him talk. Say something stupid, Paul.

RVD won a greatly contested Battle Royal to become the no. 1 contender for the U.S title, which by all intents and purposes should lead to a great match with between Mr. Monday night and Dean Ambrose. I’m fine with it being on the pre-show as there’s no storyline incentive between the two to warrant it being on the main card, but the problem I do have is that there’s two lesser matches on the main card that aren’t PPV worthy and would’ve been better suited on the pre-show. And those two matches are: AJ v Ziggler mixed tag match, and Nikki Bella v Natalya. Nikki v Natalya is literally only on there because of Total Divas, which actually makes me feel a little sick. However, RVD and Ambrose will work a great match regardless.

Speaking of Divas, the ref totally botched a finish somehow last night, which saw Natalya get AJ in the sharpshooter position for the second time to tap out again. And apparently the said ref took to his Facebook page to hit out against those who’ve called him out for his mistake. Still waiting for AJ to tweet about the scenario. story pending.. Anyhow, The Big Show returned after a few delays and, I must say, is looking tiptop. It looks like him and Henry will team up to take on Rollins and Reigns at some point, though not at Summerslam it seems. There’s a lot of noteworthy names on the card at Summerslam actually; Fandango, Caesero, Swagger, Ryback, Henry, Axel, and Reigns and Rollins. Perhaps the biggest blow is the absence of Ryback, who just two months ago was feuding with Cena for the WWE title.

A 30 Years of Wrestlemania mode has been announced for WWE 2K14, which, like last year’s Attitde Era mode, sees you relive and replay classic matches such as Hulk Hogan vs The Rock at Wrestlemania X8. Oh yeah, Hulk Hogan’s, like, in the game somehow even though he’s the GM of TNA. With this mode announcement and the announcement of the Undertaker Phenom Edition, they’re really going all out this year.

Before I get off WWE and move on to TNA, there’s just a few things to quickly roundup.

Sheamus is out 4-6 months…

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WWE spent $5 Million of Tout and have seen a $500k return…

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Summer Rae and Emma had the best dance off all time on NXT, and Dean Ambrose had a one on with Adrian Neville, and people still don’t like Bo Dallas as the champ. Kid’s the next Cena, I’m telling ya!

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Hulk Hogan turned 60 last week and to celebrate – no, no he didn’t record another sex tape – he let slip that a Hulk Hogan biopic is in the works, brother. But who would play Hogan? Would Hogan play Hogan? How would they get around using WWE’s name? Would they even mention his current position in TNA? Who knows, but the world needs more wrestling films and I’m all for it. Onto TNA which saw excellent matches between Hardy and Samoa Joe, Ken Anderson and Magnus, Kazarian vs Daniels, James Storm, Gunner and ODB vs Bro Mans and Mickie James, and the main event of Angle and Sabin vs Team 3D. The Dudley Boyz haven’t lost it one bit.

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Tito Ortiz spoke for about a minute – which is already longer than Rampage Jackson has – and said he doesn’t have a lot of answers at the moment, which is pretty much what Rampage Jackson said too when he debuted. Tito Ortiz got interrupted by his brother Kurt and Kurt said the same thing he said to Rampage, but the only difference in the segment was that Bully Ray got involved as well. Hopefully we’ll actually get to see Rampage wrestle in his first match in the 5 on 5 MEM vs Aces & 8’s match and see what he can do. The 5 on 5 match has been pushed back to a later date, which presumably has to do with Angle’s latest DUI drink-driving charges.

Bobby Roode formed an alliance with Bad Influence, in what I’m calling their stable as ‘Roode Influence’. Oh yeah *puts on sunglasses*. Next week’s Impact is another one of their free-per-view episodes, Hardcore Justice, which is going to see Bully in a World Title rematch against Sabin, a four way ladder match, and a four way tables match. If you’re not watching TNA, then now’s a good a time as ever.

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